Amy Littlefield...

I spent part of this past weekend with a friend from high school... A wonderful feminist blogger/reporter/guitarist who time and time again had a profound effect on my life. Amy and I met when we were in high school and bonded over music. As we grew up she has never left my mind even though we have gone in and out of each others lives. She is a woman of many talents and always strives to achieve what she wants.

Amy is currently a report for the Brockton Enterprise as well as a writer for Gender Across Borders, an online feminist blog. Amy is also a singer, guitarist and song writer. In high school, Amy used to make me mix tapes of the songs she wrote and I continue to listen to them to this day. I have been constantly inspired by Amy since we were 14-15 years old for her independence, tenacity and multi-faceted interests. Although we do not see each other as often as we used to, I embrace every moment I spend with her. The idea behind these photos of Amy is finding her utopia which is in a chaos of papers, journals and her guitar. Here are a few images from the photo shoot:

See It Split, See It Change

The title of this post precisely describes my sister and I. You see people split, you see people change. My twin sister and I have split on an emotional/personal plane when we were 16 years old and physically split since we were 19 years old. A mere 5-8 years of our lives and yet we are completely different people. I have been reading Abigail Pogrebin's One And The Same, a book about twins and how they are alike, how they're different, how they react to one other's presence, etc.



Throughout reading the book, I kept thinking to myself about how interesting it is to read about how much of a bond these twins have that were interviewed for the book... how they finish each other's sentences, get in similar lines of work and cannot stand living too far apart from one another. Some of them even LIVE together into their later years. I started to question why my own twin sister and I didn't have a similar bond to the ones I read about.

The author looked into some twins studies results and these particularly interested me:

Aggression: mostly genetic
Anxiety: moderately inheritable
Bipolar disorder: identical twins more concordant
Communication: identical twins who stay more in touch live longer than identical twins who don't
Depression: strongly genetic component
Extroversion: strong genetic link
Happiness: 50 percent genetic
IQ: identical twins are more similar to each other than fraternal twins and become more alike in intelligence as they age. Dr. Nancy Segal cites the finding that "identical twins are nearly as alike in IQ as the same person tested twice."
Job choice: identical twins choose more similar careers than fraternal twins
Left-handedness: more frequent among identical twins
Loneliness: 50 percent of identical twins and 25 percent of fraternal twins shared similar characteristics
Nearsightedness: mostly genetic
Sleep patterns: identical twins are more similar than fraternal
Social life: the identical twin who has a tight-knit social circle is in better overall physical health than the one who doesn't

I found the job choice similarity particularly interesting. Mostly because Lisa and I are on completely two different planes with our jobs/social lives/lifestyles. I know that not ALL twins choose similar careers, but that's where the question for me of nature vs. nurture comes to me because it seems so obvious that career paths are not inherent but they are made. My sister went to Boston University and majored in International Relations, Economics and Spanish. She now works for a notable senator in Washington DC and lives what I would like to think as my 23 year old self, a very grown up lifestyle. I on the other hand, transferred from Boston University to Emerson College and majored in Film Production with a minor in Photography. I currently work for Newbury Comics as a fashion buyer and continue to have similar lifestyle patterns from college. This just goes to show much environment matters to people as they are growing older.

When I was 16 years old, I was taking the SATs the first weekend of May in my junior year of high school. I made the conscious decision that day that I wanted to smoke pot for the first time. I believe this choice is what really divided us physically for the first time. I think I just got sick of the pressure of perfection that I felt from my family. I also stopped having the need to compete with my sister so instead I choose to rebel in the most extreme way I knew how. I started hanging out with a crowd my twin sister didn't understand nor conversed with. It was the first time I had my own set of friends and did things separately from Lisa and it was invigorating to have people know me for who I am as an individual rather than as a set. My values changed pretty quickly and severely. Suddenly getting all A's didn't matter so much. The tension at home got worse because my family didn't understand what was happening to me or what I was doing.

As kids we were the best of friends. We would play with our Barbies and if someone as so much entered the room we would promptly yell at them and kick them out (them being my grandmother, mother or father). They were not hurt by our reaction. They in fact enjoyed it. They loved seeing how much we loved and cared for one another, because back then there was nothing to compare each other about. There was no competition. Our competitive nature came out more in middle school when my mom put us both in rhythmic gymnastics and there was a clear division between the two of us. That division was then more apparent in our grades, our attitudes, our appearances... we were compared to the other about everything and it drove me crazy. I just needed to cut out my own little piece of this world for myself.

Lisa simply decided to choose a more socially-acceptable path (a path that is well understood by my parents and peers) and I diverted to art/film. I still feel the judgement from my family for making this choice just because they simply don't understand it and do not make the effort to understand it. So basically I found it interesting how much our environments changed us. My mom both raised us the same, threw us in the same activities etc, but it was the people I surrounded myself with that changed me, which I suppose one can say is an innate decision I made. I just chose a lifestyle that is a bit more of a risk which I think I may be the one who has taken the greatest risks in my family. My sister certainly would not have chosen this lifestyle because of the risk of not being able to pay bills on time etc.

I'm happy to say I wouldn't change any of it. Every experience I have had greatly benefited me and made me understand more about what I want out of life. I originally thought we would be more similar (and frankly we are still EXTREMELY similar in our mannerisms, stubborn nature, etc), but our values are polar opposites and that is what ultimately separates us now.

Jewish-Palestinian sent to jail for deceiving an Israeli woman....

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/israel/7901025/Palestinian-jailed-for-rape-after-claiming-to-be-Jewish.html

This article baffles me. A man is being sent to 18 months in jail for misleading an Israeli woman about his true race... yes he misled her into thinking that he too is Israeli rather than Palestinian but I cannot see how this can be rape? If this is considered rape then there certainly are a lot more rapists out there... men deceive women constantly to participate in sexual encounters... as do women for that matter. So where is the line drawn? It states in the article:

"The question is whether the state should punish somebody in that situation. It puts the law in the position of what could loosely be described as discrimination. I would feel intuitively uncomfortable about prosecuting someone for something like that."

This case comes down to the Israeli versus Palestinian conflict rather than deception. If there was not such a large rivalry between the two ethnic backgrounds I'm sure that this case would've been dropped from the start. So really this is about prejudice. Israeli-Palestinians live in constant fear of being harassed simply for being Palestinian so they live in disguise. So this supposed rapist is now being persecuted to a high degree simply for trying to survive in a highly prejudiced society.

This is the part of the article that really gets me...

"If she hadn't thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have co-operated," Mrs Segal said as she delivered her verdict.

WHO has sex with a RANDOM STRANGER if she was interested in a serious romantic relationship?

I realize that this entry isn't entirely about feminism... but it interests me that a woman is sending a man to jail for deceiving her when she is probably just angry with herself for having sex with a stranger and did not know his ethnic background. These are the type of women that give our gender a bad reputation... for crying wolf when you should have been a bit smarter about the situation you were getting yourself into. Yes this man lied to her, but she should have had the common sense that involving herself in a sexual encounter with this man could lead her into something she didn't ultimately want to get herself involved with. Have more self-respect for yourself.

Interesting article on how appearance matters in the workforce

Link: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/19/the-beauty-advantage.html

This article intrigued me... women inherently care about their appearance (as do men) but now there is more evidence that women who are more attractive/care about their appearance are more likely to be hired over a less attractive but possibly more qualified woman... it really irks me that even in what is called today's progressive society, such characteristics from the 50's still exist in our present. A woman still seems like she is not held as an important asset for her brain rather than her features. In the article it was stated that "When it comes to women, apparently, flaunting our assets works: 61 percent of managers (the majority of them men) said it would be an advantage for a woman to wear clothing showing off her figure at work." The same goes for men in the workforce, however, I cannot image them feeling the pressure nearly as much as women do simply because men already have the upperhand of being male.

I have definitely felt the pressures of looking attractive versus unattractive at work as well. I noticed that when I wore a dress or wore makeup I got more done/more out of my supervisors/peers rather than if I were to come in wearing a t-shirt and jeans. It seems strange to me because either way I would be doing the same kind of work and it is not like I try harder when I look more attractive one day... I do the same work day in and day out, but my appearance changes how fast I get that stuff done, especially when working with a male in a supervisory role. It is not always an entirely apparent thing... just when I look back I notice it.

But there is also the reality that however hard men have it—and, from an economic perspective, their “beauty premium” is higher, say economists—women will always face a double bind, expected to conform to the beauty standards of the day, yet simultaneously condemned for doing so.

This statement is what really irks me. Women are supposed to uphold these unattainable beauty standards, but then can also be condemned for being beautiful and be labeled as bimbos. It seems so easy to slip in either direction that it is almost impossible for woman to be taken seriously. WHEN will women be praised for their minds rather than their bodies?

EDIT: I will be conducting an experiment this week where I will try harder to care about my appearance and see what kind of a response I receive. This means I will actually have to wear makeup, which I haaaaaaaaaaate doing during the summer months because honestly it's just too uncomfortable, but for the sake of the experiment I will make this sacrifice... today is day 1. Let's see how this plays out.

Update

The project is going well.

I met a fantastic woman this past weekend, Toni Saunders who has become my new hero. She is an activist that strives to improve education for those who are mentally handicapped, something that not many people do nor think about. Photos will come with the next update... I will also be going to visit her on the Cape later this summer to spend more time with her and getting to know her more on a personal level... part of what I really love about this project is that I'm getting to know all these women and am forming friendships with them. There is a lot that I'm taking from each woman because they are all so powerful, independent and inspiring even though they are all so very different.

I'm off to DC to spend some time with my twin sister, Lisa and to also continue photographing her. She seems to be ultra aware of the camera being present so hopefully my coming to DC and photographing her for a whole weekend will make her forget that the camera is there and she will let her guard down. This is a technique I learned from reading Annie Leibovitz's At Work book. When she was on tour with the Rolling Stones, at first they were ultra aware of the camera but as time passed, they grew to be more comfortable with Annie being there as well as the camera snapping photos.

I will also have a photo shoot with my friend Kelly the week after. She is a regular participant in the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Harvard Square as well as a producer. That photo shoot will be interesting as well. We're photographing her as the before and after Janet.

That is all for now... I'm DC bound!

Inspiration

So my sister came up to visit in Boston recently and we did one of what I believe will be a number of shoots. The idea was to create a mirror like depiction between the two of us and this is the closest we came:
Although this was a fun shoot and the photo is really great, it does not possess enough depth for my project... and neither do any of the other photos we took that day... That's okay though because with this experience I am closer to what I am looking for.

I spent this past weekend in New York City going to art museums, something I'm trying to do more regularly to educate myself on art/photography as well as find inspiration in other artists' works. I saw Picasso's Girl Before A Mirror at the MoMA and immediately realized that the photos of Lisa and I don't have the depth of Picasso's painting which is below:

His painting shows a friction between the two women which is what I need to find/create in my images of Lisa and I. I need to create that push/pull effect that makes us who we are. Basically, I need to put myself further out on a limb.

Diane Arbus's photo of the twins below create this distinct tension. You automatically know they are twins, but it is their expressions that really make this photo. This photo is memorable because of it's haunting nature... the expressions of these twins make us wonder what is it that makes one of them smile and the other frown? What makes them different? This the ultimate question that I as a twin hear all the time...


The photo has been said to sum up Arbus’ vision. Biographer Patricia Bosworth said, "She was involved in the question of identity. Who am I and who are you? The twin image expresses the crux of that vision: normality in freakishness and the freakishness in normality."

It's interesting to me to find the above quote because I guess in a way I'm asking the same question and I had no idea that Diane Arbus's work was questioning identity at all... I always thought of her as the photographer who finds the freaks in society and shoots them... but now it's just another artist to look into.

I've been talking to my mentor Chris about the images over email and he asked:

So, what have you and she actually experienced about this issue of being twins?

Have you ever actually spent time, spontaneously as children, trying to understand the differences?

Was there an experience of doubt, or of complete blending?

Using your imagination to create from those kinds of lived moments would be the place to start..

I responded back with:

I'm not sure what she has experienced... we never seemed to really
talk about our twinship really before. All I know is what I have
experienced and that is feeling tension, competition and doubt. I
always felt like I lived in the shadow of my sister because I never
felt good enough. It's probably why I deviated so much from her and
chose to be more of an individual because the twin thing was actually
emotionally wrecking me. Rather than have a close relationship, I felt
like my mother turned us against each other, using a kind of divide
and conquer method with us so that we couldn't keep developing our
close relationship with each other. There has always been a sense of
longing for a relationship like that for me at least... I deal with it
every day and search for a replacement for it almost... that may be
why I'm trying to reconnect with her now. I felt like we completely
became the same person for a long while, but that was because my own desires were invalidated or repressed because my mother was a single
mom trying to give us much to us as she could. So she threw us into
the same activities all the time and I felt lesser than my sister.
I've had this jealousy for the majority of my life... yet a desire to
rise above the jealousy and to have that closeness with her is
something I desire more than anything else. I have no idea how to
depict this insecurity, because really all that I just wrote describes
my side of the relationship with her. I feel like I'm having a really
hard time putting my thoughts and feelings into images...

This is the type of push/pull I am looking to further in my images... I also seem to overthink my process to much and do not let the work flow... I'm thinking too much about what is the right thing to do in my photos when there is no real right or wrong answer... just that I should be able to back up my work...

Chris responded to me with:

The right thing is most likely to be the approved or familiar thing and it may be time to let that go and venture into simply doing Kat.

As for what to do... well, as we've been writing today,
I've seen images emerging,
becoming more complex with "mother-like" forms
rising and dissolving
between two like but unlike souls
who had a time that was theirs,
in a room usually reserved for privacy,
but had that time taken away......
and now are striving for reunion
but not as a One anymore...

It's time for dreamtime and doing Kat....

It's time to let go of my inhibitions and limitations...

Interesting article on African American women/Thoughts on Strong Women in Today's Society

This is kind of related to my project... just seems like black women are stereotyped as just simply being loud and obese.

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jun/01/local/la-me-banks-20100601

The above article was written in response to this article (both written by the same person):

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-banks-20100529%2C0%2C6938498.column

"...found that black women's fealty to black men has helped create an imbalance that penalizes them. And that a combination of forces — online social networks, integrated neighborhoods and workplace diversity — are tempting them to look elsewhere for partnership."

The author of this article is a single middle-aged black woman and also faces the same types of issues. This intrigues me a little... what is the real cause for these women to look for partnership outside their race? Is that these women have been taught to be strong, opinionated women and their former prospective partners just can't seem to handle these types of strong personalities? Is it because women, and in this case in particular, that black women have become stronger figures and society and have surpassed their male counterparts?

It seems to me that more and more each day, I notice strong women are without male partnership. This became especially apparent to me while I was watching the Oscars this past year. This was the first time that a female director won the Best Director award. Kathryn Bigelow won for the The Hurt Locker (which this film in and of itself surprised me that a female directed it and could really get to the heart of male camaraderie in the army). When they were announcing the nominees at the award ceremony, each male nominated had a female partner on their arm, but Kathryn stood out to me not only for being the only female nominated, but also for not having a date to the Oscars (she was also previously married to one of the other nominees for the same category). It's not like I felt bad for her. It felt more empowering than anything else. She didn't seem to need to prove anything to anyone. She is who she is and on top of that is highly successful with her career.

There are very few well known female directors in the film industry. Only three women have been nominated for the Best Director award in the past. Bigelow won the Oscar over such highly acclaimed directors such as James Cameron (for Avatar) and Quentin Tarantino (for Inglorious Bastards). I don't believe I ever even heard of Kathryn Bigelow until the ceremony. Just seems to me that whenever there are strong women receiving some of the spotlight in any industry, workplace, social event, etc that some are quick to judge/try to suppress these women for their vibrant independence.

In the second article posted at the top of this entry gives a direct example of how women are being suppressed for having a voice:

Darryl James is a black author and radio host who sponsors forums on "black love." Discussions are sometimes so heated that he reminds people on the invitations to be civil.

He contends that it's not so much a lack of "good black men," but changing social patterns that have made it harder for black people in their 30s and 40s to partner up. And the mainstream attention, he says, just makes the problem worse: "All this whining on 'Oprah' demoralizes black men and makes the women look angry and desperate."

James was the sponsor of the forum at the L.A. Athletic Club last year. And his advice to the women there made a certain kind of sense.

"Turn the volume down," he said. "Lose the attitude."

I think it is the easy way out to say that women look angry and desperate and whiny for stating that there is a lack of good men in today's society. Isn't it possible, that maybe it is actually true? Maybe there are less partners to pair up with... maybe women are just more vocal about their frustrations than men are and then automatically classified as being angry.It surprises me that the female writer of this article seems to agree to a certain extent about women having to turn down the volume. There never seems to be any real good way of getting this point across because every time a woman starts mentioning it, people roll their eyes and tell them to shut up. It seems that as women gain more power in society, men feel more and more demoralized and threatened, and thus resort to stating women are angry and desperate for saying they cannot find male counterparts.

I spoke to a male friend about my findings and he stated that in order for women to find male partners, women should lower their standards of men. But why should we? If we're so strong, we're looking for men who are just as strong if not stronger because that is how society has programmed women to look for a male partner. I personally want to find someone as strong as I am to have someone to keep up with and the same for them to be able to keep up with me. But should we settle for anything less than what we want? If men cannot be happy with successful women, why should women pretend to be happy with men who do not meet their needs or standards, or even worse, why should women dumb themselves down to look like a more pleasing candidate for dating? This seems like a lose-lose situation, however, I am not entirely sure how it could ever change unless we deprogram ourselves and stop feeling threatened by someone's success or guilty for being successful.